why reading comprehension is more important than your face

warning: this post is not about books. i need to read more books other people are reading because otherwise i feel like a spoiler or a pretentious lady. i also need to read more books. that being said, i like reading because it increases my brains and heightens reading comprehension, which is a more useful skill than math or other things.


i was thinking to myself whilst cruising craigslist, "why is all the people so not awesome at words and spellinks?" it's because they are failures. LATER i was also thinking about The Phantom Tollbooth and how it is so spectacular. then i went DING ! reading comprehension. i enjoy puns and plays on words and silliness in language BECAUSE I GET IT. i do not enjoy poor grammar and spelling because THEY RUIN MY FUN.


if i could doodle awesome doodles like Allie, i would doodle you a picture of person walking down the street holding the bloody stubs of a bear's feet with passers by a-gawking in terror. probably followed by a very sad, footless bear. but instead i'll give you this:

WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? - you


well, says i, i will tell you. don't walk around with bear feet. this is funny to me, because one's feet tend to be bare, as opposed to belonging to a bear. this is funny.


sometimes, however, people aren't trying to be funny; they're just wrong. in these cases, they insert hilarious images into my brain. if this happens too often, i might start taking people seriously when they say things they don't mean. like on craigslist. 


to wit: a listing for an apartment for rent led with the subject line, "section eight excepted." .... lemme let that sink in a sec. ok sooooo i read that as discrimination, but i'm SURE they MEANT 'accepted.'


point: if you don't get it (reading comprehension), you'll sound like a tool. if you sound like a tool, people will think you're a tool. even if you're not a tool. subpoint: because english is such a mishmash of languages and proletarian hullabaloo and a variety of hifalutin and total-garbage vernaculars, if enough people use a word that's not a word, or think a word means something it doesn't, IT BECOMES A WORD. like magic. BLACK magic. that's why 'irregardless' is in the dictionary. it's also why flammable and inflammable mean the same thing. I HATE THAT AND IT RUINS MY FUN. 


i keep getting distracted by this awesome bear. he's like 'my feet?' i love it. anyway. reading comprehension is an important skill. know what makes you more gooder-er at it? reading. know what book will make you laugh your pants off while learning to comprehend VERDS? the phantom tollbooth. i may have lied earlier when i said this post wasn't about a book. ok, they also made a movie, but it's way funnererer to read the funny because it's about words.


and a little bit about numbers. this guy (the mathemagician) thinks numbers are the only thing thing that count. GET IT?!!?